Deconstructed

You may or may not know how I feel about deconstructed meals, but if you want to know before this entry tells you, click here.

I’m on the Gold Coast to present at a mental health conference, I flew up a day earlier than necessary to save my myself, and my charity a few hundred dollars. So I found myself with a Sunday to kill in a place that I find over-rated, loud, too bright, and too expensive and generally not a place I would pick for a mini-break. Yes, that what I call a one day off.

After a trip to Southport to go to Officeworks to buy a mobile phone charger, yeap, the one thing I forgot to pack, I jumped on the G: and headed South to Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary. I though a dose of greenery, nature sounds and animals might help wash off the over abundance of concrete and over-compensating exhausts.

I mean…who buys a black Lamborghini…surely it’s yellow or orange or it’s not a real Lambo!

Anyway, being the only one on the tram and buses wearing the mandatory masks was entertaining from a people watching perspective. Everyone left the seats around me empty. Except the creepy guy that moved into the seat behind me and proceeded to cough and sneeze in my general direction…I moved.

Before heading into the Sanctuary I walked around the corner onto Pacific Parade. A couple of years ago there was an excellent café there that did an amazing Eggs Benedict called Elephant Rock Café. It’s now a cushion shop.

In my disappointment I walk a few more metres down the road and settled for the next place I came across. It was 11.45, most of the tables where taken, and there seemed to be extensive renovations underway. They did not have EB on the menu, but I was told; “You can build your own meal”.

Ohh ohh…promising!

I ordered, sourdough (it was the only option), spinach, two poached eggs, bacon and hollandaise. I also asked for a large Latte and an Espresso Martini.

What!?

I’m having a one dayer and driving nowhere.

I took my number 38 and sat down at a table under some shade and got out my journal.

The table was sturdy, varnished wood with metal legs, and surrounded with short wooden topped stool. I questioned how I might get back up again, but the taller tables where all taken.

I wrote, and waited.

I wrote some more and even doodle a little, and waited.

My coffee arrived. It was a small, but it was hot and creamy, maybe a tad on the weak side. I find my coffee taste buds are refining and I’m preferring a more robust flavour. I was hopeful the Martini would fulfil the brief.

I finished my coffee and I waited. In the meantime a family with a crying baby sat at the table on my right. Another family with two youngsters in strollers sat on my left.

Where was the booze?

My breakfast arrived… cold…and deconstructed.

As the waiter put it down with the cutlery and a paper towel for a napkin, he asked if I was waiting for anything else as he grabbed for the table number. I took the photo so quick in the hope of getting while it had some heat, I forgot to move my thumb.

‘An Espresso Martini’.

He looked at me wide-eyed before turning and leaving.

I looked at the plate. All the ingredients, sitting next to each other. They seemed to be doing a better job of social distancing than the people on the bus.

One of the kids on the table to the left started crying. I have never so close to a two year old. I too wanted to cry.

‘WHERE’S MY MARTINI!’

Honestly, it wasn’t terrible once I had piled it up in the correct formation, but it was cold. I think the hollandaise was homemade, but there was so little of it once I’d transferred it from the teeny tiny ramekin I could barely taste it. The bacon was bland, and the egg yolks while soft, had started congealing because of the internal cool temperature.

I never got my martini, but I did get a refund.

Would I go back, I’d rather eat at the Elephant Café.

This Tamar Wallaby was the first animal I saw after paying $54.95 to get into Currumbin. He was pretty much channelling my energy.

Location: Barefoot
Address: 794 Pacific Parade, Currumbin, QLD 4223
Website: Barefoot Café

EB Price: $17.50 (build your own)